Releasing your inner child….and accessing the joy!

Something I’ve noticed recently is the experience of taking joy in the simplest of things...playing games on the beach with the kids...singing at the top of my lungs in the car...dancing around like no one’s watching...and I’ve connected this with the work I’ve been doing in my own therapy.

When you train in Internal Family Systems model (IFS), it strongly advocates that therapists should have their own therapy so that we know our parts when they show up in sessions (makes sense that we know our own “shit” when we’re helping others navigate theirs, right?!). And so this was the nudge to seek out my own therapy that I had wanted to do for years, but was now in a position to.

And IFS has been the most beautiful model to experience. It offers a way of understanding ourselves as being made up of different parts. And that all of these parts have come about for a reason…Exiles are typically younger, more vulnerable parts that hold all those painful experiences, emotions and fears…whilst Protectors are the ones that come about in order to shield these Exiles from being activated, and in turn act as a buffer for us so that we don’t feel what they hold. Protectors (if they’re managers) are the ones who come up with our “rules for living” that are committed to not letting us get hurt again, or (if they’re firefighters) they’re the ones who jump in to try and change how we’re feeling, to numb us or distract us when the painful stuff is at the surface.

It’s almost like the Exiles are the soft, delicate part of the snail and the Protectors are the shell that shields them and keeps the painful stuff at bay.

And the aim of IFS deeply resonates with me….it’s not about trying to get rid of any parts (they’re all there for a reason), but instead it’s about getting to know them, building appreciation and gratitude for what they’re trying to do….and ultimately help unburden the Exiles from the painful stuff they carry. All of this starts to happen when we connect with our parts from a place of Self – when we can be curious, non-judgemental, compassionate…the “us” when we’re not blended with a part.

And when Exiles start to get the opportunity to heal, these younger parts can feel lighter, more free – and it means that the Protectors don’t have to jump in so much or be so rigid, because there is less fear of all that painful stuff being triggered.

THIS is the real sweet spot of IFS – when this happens, our internal experience starts to feel like there’s more space…more room to breathe…and our parts are able to use their skills in other ways, to help us with projects that feel fulfilling, to help us enjoy nourishing relationships, to thrive. And best of all, our younger parts aren’t weighed down anymore…they are liberated to be “young” again, to be playful, to take joy in the simple things, to feel uninhibited in ways that young parts can’t be when they are carrying shame, and guilt, and fears.

And this is what I’ve been noticing recently…and relishing, because life feels better when it is lighter and freer, and you can dance like a loon and not give a shit!